What. The.

It's June. Can't believe I haven't posted anything since March. But believe me, I did try to write something before. I just couldn't seem to find anything to write. Yep, I've been having writer's block ever since my last post. Plus I did a lot of traveling these past months. I only spent twelve days in my hometown on May - twelve days! Can you imagine that? I think I know how it feels to be a backpacker now, just, you know, with luggages instead of a backpack.

So…

I never really talk about my love life right? (LIE! Haha)

I mean I've never talked about it in details… Right?

I'm going to write a story about, well, you can say 'love'. But it's not really about that actually. Just, read me out:


I love starting a story with a quote, and I posted this on instagram days ago;

We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason.

I've been going out with a guy for these past three months (going out, but not in a relationship, and it's not dating). Anyhow, we kept in touch for the whole three months I was in Perth.

Now this guy and I have one similarity: we're both ignorant. He's way more ignorant than me, and I think, somehow it kept me intrigued. I mean I keep on telling my friends and practically everyone that I want a decent guy who is kind, tender, faithful, funny, smart and believes in God. Apparently I am attracted to badboy. If you really think about it, half of my exes were and looked like badboys, one of them was a jerk, another one was the truest form of womanizer, and my last ex had many piercings. And this guy has tattoos. I am sooo into guys with tattoo (but not too many) - don't judge me. Just how much more messed up my taste in men can be?

Back to the story. Let's call this guy Tat. So Tat doesn't talk much, he smokes, and is a Christian. I think if I was born as a male, I would've turned out being like Tat, minus the smoking part. And the not-so-talkative part. We've known each other for pretty much eight months now but the first time we actually went out together after the wedding was on February.

After that Tat and I were going out together whenever we had time, between his works and futsal and my flights schedule. He never really said that he's interested in me but he took me to his friends' birthday dinner, or just hanging out with them. His friends, on the other hand, thought I was his girlfriend. But of course, I wasn't. And I thought it was okay, because I enjoyed things the way they were. Until tonight. Well two nights ago.

I found out that I was one of his options. It didn't really feel good because people (people who know him and me) started to notice us a couple and I'm pretty sure I looked like an idiot this whole time. So today (yesterday) I asked him about the other girl casually. And he said she's not his girlfriend. So I asked him if he likes the girl. And he said he doesn't know. Because we'll never know what will happen in the future.

And all I could think about that time was: What. The. Heck.

I mean I did go out with my other friends as well, but I was never regarded as a couple with them. Most importantly I must looked like an idiot in front of HIS friends. Because, of course, they know he's seeing this other girl too. GOSH. I felt so stupid!

Anyways, I think I've learned my lesson here. We've crossed path. And I guess I learned a thing or two from this situation:
- Now I know that I do love badboy look, I mean, jerk face, piercings, tattoos. The evidences are so blatant. Geez. But I still want a decent guy. With a tattoo. Ha!

- I think I've just met a guy who's exactly like me. I mean it's not really his fault making me an option (of course it's his fault! But I know he's only human). I've been making many guys as one of my options, for way longer time than this. And now I know it sucks to be treated that way. I have never really given a thought about their feelings. I'm sorry guys.

- Ignorant is not a good trait for someone's personality.

I don't think I met him by accident.

But I also think that we're not meant to be.

We can still be friends though.

There goes my story.

It's not really about love, right?

friends lesson mistake quote relationship

Posted by Unknown in friends, lesson, mistake, quote, relationship

What. The.

A Beautiful Mind

"Small people talk about other people,
Average people talk about things,
Great people talk about ideas."

I believe you've heard of this quote at least once. I'm not sure who mentioned it originally, but the words pierce right through your mind. No? The first thing that comes to my mind was, 'Wow! I'm such a small person.' Because I talk about other people A LOT. I talk about my parents when I'm with my sisters. I talk about my siblings when I'm with my parents. I talk about celebrities like.. countless times. Of course I also talk about other things, which means I can also be classified as average people, but I rarely talk about ideas. Hmmm…

Ironically, I'm going to talk about a person - ha ha ha - whom I've known about two or three years (apparently I am a 'small' person - but I'm not gossiping here! Maybe there are bad small person and good small person, I'm the good one *winkwink*). He's one of the guys that you're not going to pay much attention to until he starts to speak. He's very clever, creative, multi-talented (he can play any musical instrument), charming - to both girls and boys, I'm telling you, nobody dislikes him -, believes in God, has a great sense of humor, a hard worker, and he's only three years older than me! He's sooo great I'm beginning to think he's a genius. Unfortunately, ladies, he's already taken.

Anyways, we had a deep-almost-philosophical-kind-of conversation and as always, he stunned me with most of his statements. As a matter of fact, he's the one who reminds me of the quote above. He's the kind of guy who jokes around all the time. But he can also be serious and I think that's what makes him interesting. At one point I asked him, "Does God make you a better person?"

"He can't make me. I turned to Him to be a better person."

That was his answer. And I don't know if it's my hormone or I'm just teary, I almost broke into tears just by reading his words (Ok, you might think I was overreacting. I thought the same. I think my hormones played bigger role here). Maybe because I never thought that way before. I always want to be the best for God. I want to do the best for Him. Sometimes I think I try really hard to get His attention. But I was focusing way too much on 'I' and not Him.

I heard a similar thing at church last Sunday.

"Don't work hard to give a 'payback' to God. Give your offerings as the sign of your gratitude towards God."

The culture of my family teaches us to reciprocate to our parents. It is considered good to work hard and give back what your parents had given to you, to take care of them in their old days. But just as God, I don't think my parents want me to regard this as an obligation. Of course I am obliged to do that. But again, just as God, I think my parents want me to do all those things as my way of showing my love towards them.

It is very important to be able to see things from different perspective, so that in turn, one can gain or choose a better perspective in life. We should think less about ourselves and start to shift our focus on God. I was really surprised to read my friend's words the other day. It got me realize something. He always gave his all in participating in church activities. He never complain - well he did, but not much I guess. And not surprising, his ideas and creations are always great.

Everything he said and done kind of left me - and I believe others - feel inferior to him. I told him that. And surprisingly he was surprised to hear my confession. Another thing about him is that even though he talks a lot, he doesn't talk about his life, or his past, or his stuff. That makes him a mystery to me. I told him I am an open book, but his book is sealed.

"Maybe I'm not a book. Maybe I'm just an idea, waiting for someone to turn me into a book."

And he was right. And with his answer an imaginary lightbulb pop up on my mind. Not everyone has to be as creative as he is. It is written in the bible that everyone has their own role. Each role supports each other in creating the body of Christ. He can be an idea. Or a pen. Or an ink. But he doesn't have to be a book. I don't have to be a book. I don't have to be an idea if he is an idea. Maybe I'm a writer. And I think one of the reasons why I feel inferior to him at times is because I admire him. I want to have his abilities. He seems to have it all.

But then again, as it is written in the bible, no matter how small or insignificant your role might seem, your existence is very important for the success of the bigger role. If you have an idea and a book but you don't have a pen, then you can't put your ideas into writings. If you don't have a good writer, your idea might seem boring and uninteresting.

Most people stop trying because they're scared. Scared of the responsibilities, or the risks. Or sometimes they think they're just not good enough. You can call it lack of confidence. Whatever it might be, they shouldn't have thought that way. We shouldn't have thought that way. God has abundant of blessings that He'd love to give to us. It is our faith - faith to accept or decline - that determines our readiness in accepting His blessings. His abundance has always been there, whether we want to accept it or not.

"What's the opposite of love? It's not hate, it's indifference.
If you hate, you still have some sort of feeling towards that something.
But if you're indifferent, you feel nothing."

That's another thing that he told me. At that time I could only think, "Gee, this grinch is brilliant!" Now that I've spent a few days thinking about it, I must say, he's still brilliant. I really wish I can say something clever like that. But here I am, talking about 'other people' in my blog, quoting someone else's words. I'd love to have people quoting me, seriously.

Anyway back to the topic. What I want to say is, he's very unique. He's one of the few interesting people I've ever met in my 22 years being alive. I mean I know some people who are older than him and they don't have even half of what he's having. But the most interesting part about him is his heart. I think he has a heart of a giver. I don't know he got there, but he's surely on the right track. He always gives his 100% in everything. At least that's how I see him.

Imagine if everyone in church gives their all just like him. Don't think about the failure. Or the risk. Or the responsibilities. Just think about God. And what they can do to give thanks to Him. Imagine if this doesn't happen only in church but in every community. It's going to be much more legendary than anything in this world.

He's a person with a beautiful mind.

I think it's because he turns to God to be better. Why don't we all start doing the same?

:)




PS. He's not perfect. He always tortures with his words. Human.. Ha!

Christian friends God Jesus lesson quote thoughts

Posted by Unknown in Christian, friends, God, Jesus, lesson, quote, thoughts

A Beautiful Mind

Back to December

Wow. I didn't post anything in November! Where have I gone?!

Well, well where do I begin? There are so many things on my mind right now I don't know how to start, what to mention first. My head is like a bunch of tangled threads. And I don't want to forget the things that I want to mention here. Gosh!

So let's start with the usual stuff, like the cool fact that I am in Australia right now! And the sad part where I'm not in Sydney :(. Anyways, I've been in Australia since October 25 and I did go to Sydney - :)))) - for a very short time :((((. I met all of my friends - I miss you so much already again - and visit some of my fave place there - Saap Thai, Madang, Market City, Darling Harbour, Hurricane, every place in Sydney is my favorite! We went for karaoke and had soju night like we used to do when I was Sydney. It was very fun. But things have changed too. I met many new faces too, and I couldn't help myself not to feel a bit left out. I mean, I don't know. Sometimes I wish things can just stay the way they were. Everybody is going forward right now. They don't go karaoke anymore. They don't have soju night or movie night as well. Somehow it felt like... Everyone's growing apart. But the good thing is you all still made time to go there with me. I feel very thankful for my short stay in Sydney. I wish I can go back and forth to Sydney anytime I want. How awesome would that be!

But then again, if I were in Sydney right now, will things stay the same? I mean, Fanny is in Makassar preparing her wedding, Adit is going back to Melb very soon - seriously, WHEN?, Ivan with his new relationship, Ryan is busy with work and his IELTS, Luke with his college and university, Candy with her TAFE and Ayu will be busy starting a new life with baby boy - with Ko Willy too, etc.. I mean, will I be enjoying Sydney as much if I was there? One thing for sure, I'd be needing a PT if I live in Sydney because, boy, the food in Sydney cause me mouthgasm.

Oh another thing that I really miss in Sydney is CLC and The Brigades, my dearest church and youth!! They'll be having a Christmas Celebration later this afternoon and I really really really really want to go there and celebrating Christmas with them!! ><

I miss Sydney so damn much.

And a little bit surprisingly I miss my home in Indonesia too. I already miss TWO of my friends' wedding! :( I don't want to miss another one anymore. If I can be in three places at the same time, I'd be super happy. Ha! But the good thing here in Perth - I know right? Perth is borrrinng! - is that I've learned some serious stuff about being a mother. And I have my super cute niece, Brooklyn, that I can play with! Have I mentioned that she's the cutest baby alive?! I mean, I am now freaking out I might love her more than my own kids! She's soooooooo beautiful! I never know I'd love a baby this much. I want to kiss and hug her all the time. All. The. Time. She's cute when she's sleeping, smiling, and she keeps on making that cute baby noises - aguuh, ewuuh, awuh - and melt my heart. She makes Perth so much better!

And talking about Perth, have a guess what I do here everyday! Other than taking care of B of course. Let me give you a clue. It starts with E and ends with asyway. I need help! I already gain a fatty 2 kg since I came! I mean I should've been skinnier since I hold B most of the time! What is happening!! Not to mention, I have major breakout! :( I've got pimples everywhere on my face. I really need help.

I need to talk about other stuff. Like how fast time flies (I said this a lot ey?). I mean it's December! It's almost 'the end of the world' - sarcasm intended. And how unpredictable my life is right now. I mean if two months ago someone told me I would be spending the next three months in Perth, taking care of a baby, I would've laughed it off. And visiting Sydney?? And Melbourne? Tots unpredictable! And how I'm befriending my sister's friends back at Indo. I mean I never see it coming, ever. Or how I befriend my senior in primary school. This whole unpredictability thing that happened recently got me all excited and scared at the same time. I keep on making guesses and predictions about my future. What will happen next year? What will happen next week?

I think my fear got me stumble a little bit. I mean I'm not sure if it's even related but I don't feel too close with God nowadays. It's funny how my faith has been fluctuating very frequently. And it's strange how my previous post was about the fullness of my 'righteous tank'. But I still push myself to do the QT and talk to Him. I just don't feel as connected. I hope this phase will disappear as soon as it appeared. Because the world is going crazy nowadays.

Like, crazy in a devilishly way. I might be the only one in my, err, community, who believe in those 'Illuminati theory'. You can call me crazy or stupid or anything else, but seriously, have you ever read Vigilant Citizen - vigilantcitizen.com ?? As crazy as it sounds, something evil is at work at this world at this very moment. And it is more evil than ever. I had my doubts. And I didn't want to believe in those stuff at first. But look at Ke$ha's Die Young lyrics and video. And hello, Lady Gaga? And also Rihanna. And all the rappers and all those pop stars that started off innocently but then transformed into some sex machine on their second album. And the fact that the rhytm of those songs are very catchy yet with very wrong lyrical content.

Take a look at Bruno Mars. He started off with Just The Way You Are and everyone was like "Aww he's so romantic!" but then "Marry Me" came off and it's still catchy but the lyrics had gone a little bit crazy. And then now he came up with his new single "Locked Out Of Heaven" and it obviously promoting sex -  some of the lyrics are: Cos your sex takes me to paradise - in a wrong way for this generation, I'm afraid. And his other song "Young Girls" is about his 'addiction' to young wild girls. It's not so romantic anymore right? 

And Ok, I DID download those songs - the beat IS awesome - because my sister's husband kept on playing it every single day. And I ended up like the song. I mean I don't do the things that was said in the lyrics, but some - A LOT - younger generations might think, "Y'all it's cool. We gotta party and die young because Ke$ha said so. Sin is so 2013!" True story. And some fans can go very far for their idol pop star. They''ll be like: YOU've changed my life, I'm all about YOU. Stuff like that.

And I haven't finished. If you take a closer look at the fashion world and the music video and MTV nowadays, the things that they promoted are: occultist symbolism - one-eye sign, satanism, inadvertent cross, skull, blood, honestly what are so cool about them? They're not that artistic -, free sex, stupidity - see the show Ridiculousness - and violence. And there's only one word on my mind: WHY?

Why do the media mass go all the way to promote those things, if it not for a bigger, more insidious conspiracy? Just like hell is the real thing, so does The Devil. And it's not only happening in Hollywood. It's everywhere. K-pop, Bollywood, Indonesia. Everything's going crazy. And before I forget, look at Pitbull! Music videos used to be about the singer. And at first there were only kissing scenes. And then girls with bikinis. But recently I saw the bikinis are taken off already! And the girls are hiding their tits on Pitbull's shoulder. And in a lot of music videos they were doing orgy! I'm serious, what's with that? The media mass might try to dumb this society with sex, drugs, and self destruction behaviors in the name of arts, trends, fashion, and swaggy lifestyles. Do not trust the media.

Wow. I've been talking way too much!

But think about it. Be careful of what you see, read, or listen. And sometimes, just because they talk about God, doesn't mean that they are the people of God. See if their actions are as what they say. And if they believe in God and do evil deeds, it's not a permission or a justification for you to do the wrong thing. Because the devil tempted Jesus with scripture. So just. Be careful.

How did I go from my simple life to this heavy topic, I'm not sure, but I think I have delivered what I had in mind. I have to have my beauty sleep NOW. 

Adios!

And Happy Christmas all!

Oh one last thing, there's this email I've got, talking about how society try to make Christmas as a 'normal holiday', without any relation to Christ. Well hello! It's called CHRISTMAS for a reason. So let's make it a Christ's season! Jesus Christ is the reason why we celebrate Christmas. Not Kris Kringle. Or the pine tree. Or even snow. You wrap those gifts, and putting the ornaments on a christmas tree to celebrate His birth. Not to celebrate a 'holiday'. Gosh, what's with this world!

Brigades Christian Church family food friends holidays Jesus religion thoughts

Posted by Unknown in Brigades, Christian, Church, family, food, friends, holidays, Jesus, religion, thoughts

Back to December

Singlehood, Relationships, Weddings and Pregnancy

Weddings! Weddings! Weddings!

It's all that I heard this past few weeks. People are either having, planning or deciding on their weddings. My high school friend (22 years old male), my cousins (two of them), my friend, my sister's friend. It's huge!! I even manage to get myself in-between these crowds as a bridesmaid (for two different weddings!). Pheww!

You know what else is even more huge than weddings? Pregnancy!! If weddings are huge then pregnancy is this super extremely gigantic thing that is so happening in 2012! First, DUH, this is the year of the Dragon! Haha. Kidding. But many people in my hometown do consider that fact. In my opinion, though, it's about time for those happy newlyweds (my eldest sister and her friends). Seriously. She and her two friends are pregnant. My friend(s) are also pregnant.

So people in town are either getting married or pregnant. I can't help myself not to daydream about my future - it's crime not to do it! Ha ha ha

There's this story about a girl who made her own 'list' and prayed about it to God, and one day she met a guy who seemed to be made out of the list. He's the perfect guy and they ended up together. Wasn't it just beautiful??

But I do realize that not everyone will have the exact things that they wish for. I believe our God is a creative God, and He has prepared a love story uniquely for each of His sons and daughters. I just wonder what mine would be. And while we all wondering about that, how about I'm posting my own list here??? Tee Hee.

...
...
...

OK, I don't really know where to start. Hmm.. Does he have to be tall? Well yeah taller than me I guess, say.. at least 172 cm? And.. umm.. a Christian of course. And.. uhmm..

Yea that's impossible.

I think everyone's list is going to be too perfect. I'm not making any. :p

Anyways... I think I'm just going to embrace my single-hood and enjoy it while it lasts. You know? Because nothing lasts forever and I can't really imagine myself get pregnant. It looks scary. I mean my sister's belly is getting THIS big and to think a HUMAN will come out of your -ahem- thing is as scary as being forever alone. lol

Besides, once you're being in a relationship, many things won't be the same. Right? And talking about relationships, I can't believe Kristen Stewart was cheating on Robert Pattinson!!! I always thought he'd be the one to cheat, if it ever happens. I mean.. How? Why? To a married man! What's on her mind?? She put everything - literally everything - at stakes!!! Just for a married man who right now told everyone that she's the biggest mistake of his life!

I still don't get people who cheat.

I'll never look at Bella and Edward the same way ever again.

:(

Back to topic. All these buzzes about weddings are making me - only a bit - lonely. Time flies so fast, and everyone is seriously moving on too! I mean what have I accomplished this year? Being a bridesmaid twice? That's not good. That's not good at all! I need to think about other stuff. I need to do something.

And listening to Breaking Dawn OST sure is not a clever way of doing something. But Sleeping At Last's Turning Page song made me want to write this post! That's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. It's a perfect wedding song. But I don't want it to be a oh-no-this-song-again kind of wedding song because too many people are using it. You know what I mean right? *cough*ShaniaTwain'sFromThisMomentOn*cough*

People! Please do not overuse the song! I beg you. I won't be using it by the time I got married I guess. Or maybe I will. :p

Ahhh, I'm going to pull a Monica right now and daydream for a while!

GBU all who are currently pregnant or getting marry soon! And for you too, singles!

Until my next post!

family friends relationship song

Posted by Unknown in family, friends, relationship, song

Singlehood, Relationships, Weddings and Pregnancy

22

My, my it's been weeks since my last post - again. What can I say, since I'm not 2NE1 anymore, and my 2NE2's bday present was super awesome - iPad that is - I forgot that I actually own this thing called laptop. Oh well. It's nice to finally using laptop again (but you can do A LOT with iPad too. And it's much simpler ;p).

Back at the topic. I'm 22 years-old *uuuuu...*. I was supposed to start my days as a 22 yo girl waking up early every morning, taking care of my body (a.k.a go to gym), eating healthy food, do a regular QT, and find something useful to do. But you see, all thanks to my super awesome bday present, I wake up late every morning thus affecting my eating habit, fail to go to gym, and I was reading Bleach obediently - QT was somewhere between my heavy eyes and wandering thoughts before I went to bed.

Such a small thing, such a huge impact.

I have to stop using my iPad man.

Thank goodness I've done reading Bleach (ok this manga is fantastic!! Why didn't I ever read it before?) and now all that's left to do with my iPad are health app and some silly games. I can continue my schedule as how it is supposed to be. A week is more than enough for slacking around. Yay!

That is the plan, though.

And it has to work somehow.

I am 22 for Kon's sake!! *sigh*

I remember my first post in this blog. So much have changed since then. This blog, the themes, my writing style (right? right?), the content of my post... I can't believe I've been writing this blog since 2007! 2007!! It's as if everything is so different, yet still the same.

I wonder what it would be 3 years from now. Will I still be writing these kind of posts? I have always thought I'll write a book someday. Some cheesy chic-lit maybe. But I don't dig those stuff anymore (chic-lit). Some novels have become so predictable, so flat, so unchallenging, so... different. But I still want to write a book. Maybe.. One day..

By the way, this whole writing thing reminds me of something. You see I always picture myself writing  book in english. I wrote a short story in Bahasa when I was in junior high but then I trashed 'em because it was silly (I was already on page 48 though, I don't know why I threw it away!). After taking IELTS class for some time I began to think that I like english better than Bahasa. And it will be better to write in english than Bahasa. That's what I thought.

THEN a friend told me something. It really crashes my dream to be a writer somehow. I never thought I would hear it from him. I mean I know I'm not an expert in literature or linguistic in English particularly, but I think I'm alright too. I have pretty wide range of vocabulary. And although I'm not always using the right verb or write the right spelling, and I know I screw up sometimes.

But it doesn't make my english broken, right? Because, yes, that's what he said. My english. Is. Broken. And it wasn't in a good way. He's like, 'Oh btw, your english is broken now.'

I was perplexed.

And a little bit offended I guess.

I mean if he's a native speaker or if his IELTS score is 8.5 I would accept it. But he's not a native speaker. And his IELTS score is definitely not 8.5. And he said maybe my english has gotten worse because I don't use it that much anymore. Uhm, duhhh, I'm still writing here in English! And I watch english language movies! I still go abroad sometimes. I mean, really? Is it that broken? I left Sydney 8 months ago not 8 years ago. And I'm still using it. So does that mean my english skill is deteriorating even though I use it on a daily basis? Does he imply that I'm stupid??

Why can't people say something in a good way? In a way that doesn't make you feel bad. It's weird. It's not good! I think we all have to learn to think and think and think and think before we speak.

Anyways I'm done. Have a nice weekend you guys and GB!

:)

birthday friends

Posted by Unknown in birthday, friends

22

Am I?

So here's the thing. My high school friends used to say I'm a natural flirt - which is not entirely true, because I don't flirt unless it's with someone whom I won't be seeing ever again. You know what I'm saying? Or with someone I'm really attracted to. Or maybe sometimes I do, as a joke. To conclude, I don't really see myself as a flirt. Maybe friendly.

However, I talked to a friend and asked him casually, 'Do you think I'm a flirt?' I didn't expect it to be yes, even though it could've been it. I was expecting a no, with some decent explanation. But what he said was, 'No, I don't think you're a flirt. You're just aggressive.'

...

Am I?

AM I??!! >:(

Hahahaha.. You see what I did there? No? Well..

I'd rather get called flirty than aggressive! I mean, which part of myself is aggressive?? HAH? HAHH?? :p

Seriously though... He said by aggressive he meant that I'm a kind of person who does the approach first. Well he was true about that. But is that count as aggressive? I do approach people first but that is because they are so shy/too quiet I just can't help myself not to talk to them, or get to know them. That's not weird, right? That's not... aggressive. Right? No?

I might be a bit talkative (can be extremely talkative at times), ask people around even though I don't really know them, but I never ever like, ask a guy out on a date, ever. That's called aggressive, right? And what I am is not, right?

Am I being aggressive right now? LOL.

I'm a kick my friend's butt for calling me aggressive.

friends silly thoughts

Posted by Unknown in friends, silly, thoughts

Am I?

Oh Hey!

Well.. I was planning to post something fun two days ago. I knew I remembered what I wanted to say and share to you all. But now I just forget. FORGET!

This is why I need my internet connection (and laptop) when I want it anytime anywhere! I miss Sydney SOO MUCH! :(

Anyways.. On a much happier side, I've got other things to tell..

1. Congratulations to my dearest friend AYU who is celebrating her graduation day today :) I'm so proud of her. She's one of the few people that I can trust with my all heart and she's just, daebak! May God bless her endlessly, more than she's been now - oh yes, she's so blessed!! I just know God loves her deeply. I call her parking space girl (long story) and she's always full of blessings everywhere she goes - and even though she never read my blog, I just want you to know about her and maybe pray about her :)

2. I finish reading Old Testament for the first time in my life!! Ding Dong! Mark March 13 2012. I'm both proud and embarrassed but I hope I'm getting better at this. Will start NT a.s.a.p. tee hee

3. Tomorrow's White Day (I don't even know why it's important.. But many people are waiting for this day I guess..)

4. The day after tomorrow is Luke's birthday!! :): I'm happy for him and I'm sad cos I won't be able to greet him a happy birthday in person. But I hope you like my birthday present though :D (if you read my blog, lazy ass!)

5. I'll post more about other things after this!

birthday friends religion thoughts

Posted by Unknown in birthday, friends, religion, thoughts

Oh Hey!

When your day is 'not a very good day'

I rarely have a bad day. A tiring day, yes, a boring day, yes, but not bad. I don't know how to describe a bad day; sometimes even if I hurt myself accidentally, I won't call it a bad day. It's just gonna be: OUCH!! :p

The worst day I've ever had was when I had to end my recent relationship. It hurts (unlike Hell, cos of course, Hell is worse) so bad and I never ever ever ever want to feel that kind of feeling again ever. But even then, now that day seemed to be so far away. I know it was hurt, but I can't quite recall the exact feeling. Maybe because I don't want to. Maybe because I'm strong enough. Or maybe because I've moved on.

I think it's a bit of everything in my case. And the distance does help, it's easier to just shut down your thoughts about something that might hurt you. Anyway, my point is, when you have a 'not very good day' well then try making it a GOOD day. Don't sit around and drowns in your sadness and misery. Sure, I've been there and sometimes it just feels so good to let it all out. But one or two days is enough. No more.

God doesn't want you to become too attach to your past. Neither your family and friends. Whatever it was that happened in the past, or at this moment, have faith that tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow is always going to be a better day. And if you think you're not strong enough, then seek for help, whether it's from God or friends. Don't just keep it to yourself.

The most important thing is to keep being positive. The challenge that I face with my broken heart is knowing I won't be with that someone that I love. Knowing he will find someone else and love her just breaks my heart even more and it makes me sad. But you know what? It would make me even sadder if he never find someone else. Because sometimes just because you have the same destination, doesn't mean you have to go with that person through the same path. Sometimes you have your own path, and he has his own too. And in the middle of it, somehow, finally, you'll find a person who can accompany you through that path.

You might think: I don't want another person, I want just this one person, this is the love of my life and so on. But the truth is, you don't really know it's for sure. That's the truth. We stumble upon people who we thought we love, and until that last person came, we always thought the love we had before is the 'real' one.

But it doesn't mean what you had all this time is not real. It was real. It is real. But it's not meant to be.

So, when your day is not a very good day, put on your favorite tv show, eat your favorite food, have ice creams, go to gym, meet some friends, have some fun! Go out! Do something new!! Just don't let your past ruin your moment.

I'm moving out of my bad days. I hope you are too..

friends thoughts

Posted by Unknown in friends, thoughts

When your day is 'not a very good day'

Is It Possible

For a girl and a guy to have a close relationship that is purely platonic? Or is it possible for it to keep going even though each one of them has their own romantic interest?

I have always been the one who has that certainty that you can be friends with any gender you want, all you need is a genuine heart. A heart of friendship and the friendship will occur by its own, grows naturally. I mean I watched friends and I do believe that yes, Rachel and Joey can be best friends despite of everything that happened between them. But lately I started to get skeptical about all of this. The only guy friend who never fails to be my best friend, and I'm not trying to be ridiculously religious, is Jesus. Seriously.

Maybe, just a little maybe, because I'm a girl, I have the so called women-use-their-heart-to-think symptoms, but even if I have that, I don't think the logical department can understand why two of my used-to-be close friends (re: BFF) have become distant friends. Oh, yeah, they are male. And not one, but two. Either I'm bitchy or they just hate me (I might be bitchy once in a while, but I don't think I'm that hate-able. You know what I mean?) right? Or their girlfriend doesn't want them to be friends with me, but I think it's a bit silly, right? It's a platonic relationship! It's about being brother and sister without bloodline attachment. And I'm not talking about fuck buddy ok? I don't believe in those kind of stuff.

I mean, yeah, they probably used to have a crush on me, or me to them, but once we got over that part, we were really good at being best friend you know? We liked the same things. We laughed about the same jokes. We sang our fave song all the time. We knew each other inside out because that's what friends are for. We told each other about our feelings, we comfort each other, we cheer each other up, we support each other, we gossip about others and had the unspoken vow not to gossip about each other. (Me and my girls are also like this ;)) So what has changed?

What makes it so hard to say hello, or telling a best friend how you really feel, what you've been through, or the reason why you have to delete them twice from your facebook friend list? Or why you never explain to your supposedly-best-friend the reason you don't reply her either wallpost, message, or even comments?

Doesn't it make you feel all the memories between you two become meaningless? And the fact that you keep being friends with other people who you never been really close to and not being with that best friend? Or should I say, ex-best-friend? Doesn't it make you feel that you have wasted too much time on this particular person because at the end, you don't even bother to explain why you don't want to be friends anymore? And you don't even give them a chance to be 'just friend', no, because you deleted them from your friends list.

It makes me feel like I've never been a good enough friend. Makes me feel like there's no such thing as Barney, Robin and Ted. Makes me doubt myself, thinking where did I go wrong with this friendship? It got me thinking of my weaknesses, my negative sides, my possibly annoying habits that caused the changes. It makes all of the pictures that we took together seem worthless, and even intimidating sometimes. Now I wouldn't be able to proudly tell my children or grandchildren or just some random people of how awesome I am with my guy 'best friend'. I couldn't rebuke others opinion of 'no such thing as a platonic relationship' because I have slowly been led to believe that the friendship I thought we had was never exist.

Part of me want you to read this post, to realize, that even now I still want to be best friend. But part of me just wish you the best and want you to go on with your life. Because the saddest part is that you might don't even care. You might think: Wooo hohoho, slow down, woman, you're over-thinking it.

But I'm not. God knows I'm not over thinking it.

To all of people who have their own platonic relationship, don't ruin it, you two. We are all brothers and sisters in God, after all. Love peace, hate war, you know? :)

friends relationship thoughts

Posted by Unknown in friends, relationship, thoughts

Is It Possible

Because you don't want to hurt anyone

All this time I live my life based upon the so called principle of 'Golden Rule.' Anyone not familiar with that term? Do to others what you want others do to you. I applied this principle in every aspect of my life and whenever I have a conversation with my friends, or when they ask for advices, I give them my wisdom based on this principle as well.

Now talking about love. I love love, and I hate being hurt. I know how hurt a heart break feels, and it sucks. I disrespect people who hurt me in a way that I don't ever want to be in the same position as they do, at least I try. But sometimes you just cannot not hurt someone. Sometimes you just hurt them even though you don't mean to. In this particular case, I choose to hurt someone now rather than waiting until it's too late and the pain will go beyond hurt.

I just had a chat with a friend, and this friend told me about the situation she has with a guy. And how in the end she thinks she won't end up with him. Now if you were in her position, what would you do? Would you go on until it's time for you to go and left him? Or would you tell him straight away that it's not going to work and end it? My answer is, been there, done that, and the latter one is the wiser thing to do.

But her answer was quiet shocking to me. I told her about this and she's just, well yeah, I know, but I'll tell him later. And I was like, 'You know, the sooner he knows the better.' She thought for a while and said, "Well, I believe there are many girls dying to be with him anyway... I mean why not?" "Because you don't want to hurt anyone?" She fixed her gaze on me and laughing. "Are you taking advantage on him?!" I said half-jokingly and she's like, "Yeah, why can't I? Why shouldn't I?"

You see people, I have been on her position to know better: "don't play with fire if you don't wanna get burnt". If you're human and not mean, hurting someone will hurt you too. But most importantly, I've been on the guy's position too. And I would much more prefer if someone's telling me straight away that they're just not into me. Or that things won't work out. Or that they just wanna having fun. So I'd know. And I won't be wasting my time for them.

But maybe this is one of the things that you should learn by your own experience and not others. You know, like driving a car, or kissing, or being in a relationship. Name it.

friends relationship thoughts

Posted by Unknown in friends, relationship, thoughts

Because you don't want to hurt anyone

"I do feel bad and I do care about you."

It was five o'clock when they arrived at the restaurant - the best time to arrive, because people would not be coming until dinner time, thus they could sit at any table they wanted. "Where do you want to sit?" he asked as he looked around the small yet delightful interior of the restaurant. She said, "Whichever," and pointed the nearest table she could find; there were far more important things she needed to think about other than deciding which table to choose. She'd been thinking about this for quiet a few days and tried to find the right time to tell him, and now was supposed to be the right time. Problem is, how was she going to tell him? She didn't even know where to start!

The food was nice, accompanied by light conversation until they ran about things to talk about and he said, "I thought you said you needed to talk." And that's it. She knew she had to tell him right at that moment, because there's no point in delaying anymore - no one would be benefit from it. And so she told him.

No tears and she felt quiet calm. He seemed oddly fine or worryingly too calm, which meant he wasn't fine at all. The first response was, "I knew it's going to be like this." She lost for words. She felt like she was back in junior high once more, where she did the same thing to her classmate and she couldn't find the right words to say afterward. After a while he said he needed to go to the toilet and he's taking his cell with him. That was never a good thing. She thought he would let her pay for her dinner but she was wrong. He was, after all, quiet a gentleman.

After that they headed to the nearest garden and talked. It felt dull, and quiet. She couldn't stand the atmosphere and asked, "Do you angry?" He looked at her, "You know this is not how I look when I'm angry." She replied a weak yeah and asked another question: "Do you feel sad? Will you be okay?"

"Well, of course, it is normal for a guy who got rejected to be a little bit down, right? But don't worry, I'm fine," and as he said this he turned away his face from her. It felt painful as well. It wasn't as easy as she thought it would be. "I feel bad," she started again. "Don't be." This time she looked him in the eye, "But I do feel bad and I do care about you!"

They didn't talk that much when he walked her home. It was felt like she walked alone even though he was there right next to her. He didn't speak at all, or even tried to make a conversation. They talked only one or two sentences and even as they spoke to each other, the awkward silence was undeniable. She never felt more upset than that, and never had she been so lonely, overpowered by guilt and frustration. It was a ten minutes of torture. As they approached her house gate she was wishing it was all never happened. She was glad to be home, and not to feel the awkwardness. He said, "See you then." She waved her hand and walked right through in.

It wasn't even three minutes and her cell was ringing. It was him. She answered. "I want to tell you something, I'll be waiting outside," and so she went out once again, wondering about what he would tell her. Maybe he'd say something really mean and she was ready for it. She wished for it. She thought she deserves it, because he hadn't shown the slightest bit of displeasure behavior towards her, instead of being oddly silent. She saw him standing in front of the gate. "Yes?"

"You said you're not ready yet, right?" She nodded. "And that we don't know what will happen in the future." Another nod. "So I've decided to keep chasing you. I don't care if I have to wait longer. I wish you would answer me right now, that you'd be ready right now, of course. But I'm willing to wait. Even if when you're ready there's only one week left for us to be together, I'd wait and I don't mind. I don't even know why I'm doing this. I don't know what's so special about you but I just want to be able to hold your hands, hug you, and kiss the top of your head. I just want to be with you."

Again, she didn't know what to respond. She didn't saw this coming. "I don't know exactly when I will be ready, and we don't know what will happen in the future." He said, "Yes, so that meanwhile, I'm still doing this."

"But," she added desperately, "for now we're friends, right?" She meant to tell him that in the future he might not like her and they would be just friends. But his face was so upset that she quickly added again, "And then we'll see? But now let's just take things nice and slow...?" He cracked a smile, "Yeah, we'll see." And with that he went back home.

'I do feel bad and I do care about you, but what have I done to us?' was the exact thing that ran through her mind. He wasn't ready, so was she. So what was that all about? He could not seemed to understand that they were both not ready for each other yet. Or even might not meant to be together.

"Well," she told herself in the mirror, "I need to pray more about this."




That's my short narrative. What do you think? Am I capable enough to be a writer? :)

friends writing

Posted by Unknown in friends, writing

"I do feel bad and I do care about you."

The Brigades Youth 1st Outing

Yeah, if any of you can't figure out what's it say, it's 'THE BRIGADES' with small r and i. LOL. Can you read it now? Anyway, that was one of the pictures from The Brigades Youth outing program! :D I was one of the organizer! hahaha (C Ratna and I, actually, but she did almost everything!! I'm her assistant :p)

It was all really fun, exhausting though! I and some other friends have to wake up at 4.30 in the morning because we need to be in Ayu's house by 5.45! We were all so sleepy and start heading to Lake Macquarie at 6 AM. There were little struggle at first, because we were heading to Pelican, Lake Macquaire and right when we arrived, the venue was changed!

But after that, all was well: we played kayak (it's like a small ship/canoe with paddles. Available for single or two or five - it's google-able), games (369 game, caterpillar racing, soccer, volley), had lunch, and taking pictures! oh and there's this clean shiny white horse named Blossom! She's sooo beautiful, and she belongs to a cute girl named Georgia who lived around the venue. We also took picture with Georgia and Blossom but no one has posted it on fb so I can't post it here. LOL! Will post soon when it's available.

All in all, I think this outing is a success! :) I really enjoy every bit of it - even though now I am over-exhausted; I can't even hold my own toast without shaking a little! But, this is just our first outing in The Brigades. I'm sure there will be more and more to come in the future. And who knows, maybe someday you'll be a part of this activity!

God bless!

Brigades friends thoughts

Posted by Unknown in Brigades, friends, thoughts

The Brigades Youth 1st Outing

Talk Is Cheap

I just had a small talk over tea and cheesecake with my friends (and sister). So I have this friend of whom I considered very lucky. She's only two years older than me and yet she already has a secure job, a place to live, and graduated from university. For all I know, she's survived the life in Sydney - of which I cannot say is easy!

But see, she also has problems: her boss is a total freak and bitch - yes, even comparing to my former employer! Her boss harassed her mentally that she became so afraid of her (the boss) and she was forced to work EVERYDAY until very very late midnight. So my sister, a friend, and I were convincing her to quit the job, since it doesn't really give her much benefit. The thing is, she can't face her boss and even though we'd been giving variety of solutions, she didn't convinced.

And if I think about it, talking is surely VERY easy. I mean, I myself was left cold alone in an unemployment state, where no one can help me but myself. I think I'm quiet good at talking - it's one of my significant talent, possibly - and I love writing but it still doesn't guarantee that I would get a job any time soon. Sure I can be a writer but I don't think I'll gain money from this blog: it's not even a commercial blog. And though I'm very much interested in writing a novel, I haven't had much inspirations and ideas - also lack of concentration and experiences - though I'm working on it.

As a matter of fact, talking is so much easier than doing. I told my friend that she should get out of her comfort zone by quitting the job. But I'm not sure if I myself have gotten out of my own comfort zone.

PS. A Tsunami warning announced yesterday. Thank God it didn't happen. But all my prayers go to people in Chile, Hawaii, Russia, Japan and Indonesia. God bless us all!

disaster friends lesson thoughts

Posted by Unknown in disaster, friends, lesson, thoughts

Talk Is Cheap

What's Your Opinion?

Anyone knows the story of 'Something Borrowed'? A girl who had an affair with her bestfriend's boyfriend. Ouch. It is so damn hurt ey. That's why my father once told me that you can never trust your girlfriends, no matter how close and perfect your relationship is (well, I still have my girls, who I think are fantastic! ;)).

Back to topic. How would you feel if your friend is getting together with your ex? I think it'd be extremely awkward. No? I watched friends and I think, really, Ross and Joey could take things easily (not Ross, but he tried his best)! Is that happen in real life?

Oh and Joey and Rachel could go on a date, and being friends again because they didn't feel like they were meant to have romantic relationship!! I still talk to my exes, but they're not and they won't be my close friends, ever.

Ok then. That's it for today.
Sent from my BlackBerry®

friends lesson love silly thoughts

Posted by Unknown in friends, lesson, love, silly, thoughts

What's Your Opinion?

Bad Feeling

I went out with my best buddies yesterday (Jete, Cici, Renggos, and Tiwi), and we all had a great time! Well at least to me. I think we went out since 5 and went back home at about 10 but still, I don't think we had enough time to spend. I'm still missing them so bad!!

Anyway, like always, we talked about everything, and ghost topic is a must every time. Lol. I mean Jete's stories are spooky! I couldn't sleep well last night - awoke at 5 in the morning with heart's pounding hard - and I had a course at 8.45!

But anyway, I fell asleep again at 6 and it was better. I start to dislike ghost stories! It brings out negative aura in me. Lol. It weakens my Yang aura. Ha!

Sent from my BlackBerry®

friends

Posted by Unknown in friends

Bad Feeling

Just a coincidence

I'm browsing my facebook and saw a picture of one of my junior in high school. And I can swear that she really looks like an actor.



This is her.




And this is the actor.

Very very similar right?!

PS. Maybe it's just a coincidence, I think it's the hair that makes them look the same.

celebrity friends

Posted by Unknown in celebrity, friends

Just a coincidence

A little advice about friendship

Have you ever had a best friend who cut you off - just like that? And you don't even know if you did something wrong or what but yeah, you're alone. Dot.

I mean it could have been that friend who's making a scene - you know sometimes the one who you consider as best friend doesn't share the same feeling - because really a 'friend' can be mean. Or cruel. You can come up with anything that's negative, and that's it.

Just a little advice, next time you want to cut off any of your friends, try to at least tell them what they have done wrong. Or if you just don't like them then tell the truth! Hahahaha. It is hurt to tell and hear the truth. But it's better than nothing.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!

friends lesson

Posted by Unknown in friends, lesson

A little advice about friendship

Pre-eat period

I can't believe I only posted twice last month and this is just my third post for this month! Maybe I should write a diary instead. Logging on and out of blogger DOES exhausted.

Well, for the past two months, there were loads of things I didn't blog about, for instance, my friends' birthday: Stephanie Maramis (June 29th), Wilson Gozal (July 5th), Jennifer Suwandi (July 6th), Adi Wisnu Wibowo (July 16th) and my lovely sister, Juwita Hartanto (July 19th). I reckon that during this time of year I blog the least! Same thing happened last year. Maybe because it's a holiday that I thought I should took a break from blogging. Anyhow, I wish the best for all my friends.

Wilson Gozal, one of my bestmate is in Melbourne now. I don't think you still read this blog, but I'm going to miss you mate. And I didn't give you anything for your birthday even though we were in the same city. I mean, you know - I'm broke. So maybe next year, if we are fated to meet again. If not, I might only posted a greeting through facebook.

Bigger apology for Stephanie coz I'm not even there for you! And I'm missing you like crazy!

Let's skip the emotional part and get back to reality. I desperately want another JOB. Why is there global recession? It ruins everything! It is TOTALLY hard to find another job, even Krispy Kreme won't even consider me! ARRGH! Why why why why? I need to consume something to ease my worry.

birthday friends job

Posted by Unknown in birthday, friends, job

Pre-eat period

Dreamlife

Happened to watch Star Trek today. And it was AMAZING! I wonder whoever said that Star Trek is just for geeks. I mean if Star Trek is for geeks then geeks are cool! And btw, Chris Pine? H. O. T.!!!

Oh and you wanna know who's hotter???? Kirby Atwood!!!! (who is, btw, not just have a body to die for but an attitude that would melt you on the inside!!!) Geeeeeeeeee, for those who are unfamiliar with this character please watch Lipstick Jungle! (Harry, of course is acknowledgeable about this ;)) He (Kirby) is so yummy, makes me wish I were Nico. haha. But not the cheat part. And the fact that she's much older than him (but she's hot and rich).

You know, show like this is just reminds me how bad I wanna live a life like that (again, not the cheating part), a life where I could really make my own career, and have my own career, in, excuse me, New York. Or London. Choose it. I wanna live there. But I also want my chatty and funny friends to be there, enjoying life like in Sex and The City. Wouldn't it be nice? Ahh, what a wonderful dream..

And friends, especially MEGA, STEPHANIE, VIONNA and JENNIFER, I AM SO SORRRYYYYYY I FORGOT ABOUT TODAY. I was at home doing nothing (I KNOW!! and btw I watched Lipstick Jungle but I swore I'd been thinking for hours that there was something that I missed, I just didn't know what..) :(( I feel so bad. So I'm going to online today at the same time as I supposed to be tonight.. Deepest love for all of you.

celebrity friends movie

Posted by Unknown in celebrity, friends, movie

Dreamlife

Unplanned Change

You don't have plans for unplanned event, thus you don't know when the change have to come.

I just realize that today, while I was joyfully doing my assignments (I was struggling, actually), one of my friend has gone. Like, dead and gone.

I started to talk to him in junior high and we were not very close but we teased and laughed with classmates. He was best friends with Alfred and they form a group called Voltz. He even flirted with me once and asked me to be his girlfriend, of which I rejected almost immediately and now that I think of it, it was quiet harsh. I wish I could've been nicer to him. I saw him again in high school. We go to different school but when we met we said hi and bye.

Isn't it funny when you think you'll have a reunion with your junior high friends, and you always think that as long as you live, they will too? But they don't.

He's not a very good guy, but I'm sure he has done nice things to people. I don't even know his full name. I just know that he was born exactly on Valentine's day, and his name is Valen. And I just know that today I've lost my old-school friend.

Rest in peace, Valen. God's love is with you now.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on 3

death friends

Posted by Unknown in death, friends

Unplanned Change