Don't Judge Me

I had a conversation with a friend just few hours ago. We started to talk about actors and such and then we ended up talking about Twilight - don't ask - and the fact that he dislikes Bella because she had feelings for both Jacob and Edward.

He asked me if I ever experienced what Bella had. I said I never had that feeling.

However, to be really really honest, I might have had that kind of feeling. But… so is everybody else.. Right? Or am I the only selfish cold-hearted girl here?

I mean, sure, I was so pissed the first time I read Twilight, knowing the fact that Bella had feelings for Jacob as well. But then again, I think we all have that piece of Bella in ourselves. No? Human has weak heart in nature. That's why it's written in the bible to always guard your heart.

What if two persons, who are equally attractive and nice have feelings for you and you just couldn't decide which one you like more. It means you like them both right? It means you have feelings for both. It's like… This Means War movie. Is it wrong? It certainly is unfair, but it is possible. Right?

I feel sorry for all the Jacobs out there, but sometimes we just can't help not to fall for more than one person at the same time. I mean you are all too kind! We wish we can blend you two into one person. You know?

Besides, I never had a relationship with two people at the same time. I just face a lot of situation where I should only choose one. And damn, that's the thing that I always have the hardest time deciding on. Maybe that's why it keeps on happening again and again.

And I think I always made the wrong decision. But then again if I reverse my actual decision, I think I'd still regret it no matter what. Something is seriously wrong with me! Sometimes I wish my life can be like in movies where the lead-girl knew right away that the lead-man is 'the one' and that lead-man really was the best. No doubt. No questions. No disappointment. No thinking. No another guy who's equally nice.

Maybe I am just a selfish girl, after all..